This is Bittersweet for Me

A wedding is a time of celebration. For me it means that the person you feel is your soul mate feels the same way about you. Call it cosmic kismet or something but I believe you have to be VERY lucky to ever have this happen in your life. I know there are many people out there married for MANY different reasons – many less than for reasons that make your heart whole.

The bittersweet part is that this amazing time of my life also magnifies what is sadly missing.

As many of you know, my mom passed away when I was 21. Most everyone loves their mom and thinks they are the best but I will go out on a limb and say I think my mom’s specialness bordered on superhuman.

She raised me to be the best person I can be and wanted to make a difference in the world. She was an amazing woman and we were best friends. We were old hearts who, through that cosmic kismet again, found each other.

Since she passed away I have graduated two colleges, seen many ups, downs and had many amazing adventures that she was not part of in the real sense (although I imagine she is watching). I wasn’t sure I would ever get married but now I will be and she will not be there to help me through the process, to plan and dream with me and to share in my happiness. Did I say this makes me very sad?

The other hole in my heart is that two of my closest and best friends that I dream of sharing this experience with won’t likely be there. My best friend of 25 years no longer lives in the state and is going through a rough time of her own so we aren’t talking much right now. My other best friend is overseas teaching English in China. A year is a long time away and a lot can happen between now and then so they may in fact BE at my wedding by my heart wishes they could be there throughout the process to share in my excitement, give me advice and be my shoulder to lean on.

I DO look forward to connecting with old friends and making new ones during this year or so of planning. I also have many wonderful family members that want to be there with me every step of the way I am sure.

There are many things ahead of me that will be new and different. In many ways I expect this process to literally and figuratively represent “out with the old; in with the new”. I know I may have to let go of old ideas, old ways of being and old patterns to breathe some life into my mission of building MY OWN BEST LIFE.

So, I am beginning this adventure with excitement for my future and a heavy heart in some respects.

2 responses to “This is Bittersweet for Me

  1. Jessica you such an insightful and inspiring woman. I am so glad you will be part of of our family. I feel your mom must be so proud of the woman you are.

  2. Thanks Jenn. She did a good job 🙂

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